WARNING: Schizo's Journal

I guess I'm glad to be home...or am I? There is a sudden emptiness boring into my soul...into my being. Something I have accepted as part of myself is missing. It's like being chased by a lion and you suddenly fall into a pit and get stuck there for ten years, eventually making it your reason for living. Someone suddenly rescues you away and you miss that pit. Really badly because it has become your home; your savior...

Humeur actuelle: depressed

I wanna go home! I guess I´m too fed up eating plane shit and spending my summer nights in hell! I wanna go home! I miss my bed! My beautiful (but ugly...huh?) bed! I want to feel the warmth (okay, fine...the burning heat) of summer instead of freezing myself up at -2°! The first thing to do is sleep then beach, beach, beach! haha. Okay, I updated. Bye.

Humeur actuelle: cold

TAENA! FUCKEALAMERO masyado ang mga tao! Why do they have to give such a damn about my life? Why don't they fix their own lives first? WHy can't people just shut up? I mean for once in their lives, why can't they try not to ruin other people's day? After playing the part of a spectator among assholes, I've come to the conclusion that anyone who starts a conversation to someone who OBVIOUSLY prefers not to be talked to, talks shit. Shit. SHIT. SHIT! Gun those shit assholes' mouths and burn em! haha. sweet. They deserve it. Probably too fucked up with their own imperfections, so they try to convince themselves that others are "less perfect"--which is, I must say, fine with me. But they don't have to say it. Yes, lie to yourself. Tell yourself that he/she is meaner than you (when the fact that you're thinking about it proves otherwise). I don't give a fuck! Just don't meddle with my life. Stop meddling with how I stand (I prefer to slump, thank you. Got a problem with tat?) or how unfriendly I am or even how rarely I smile. Why do you have such a big problem? Why do you care if I prefer to die of hunger and buy the newest Artemis Fowl (yay!)? Why do you give such a damn? If you have a problem about yourself, leave my bad posture alone and go commit suicide!

Humeur actuelle: I WANNA KILL!
Musique actuelle: light years! woohoo!

How could he love--actually fall in love?! I mean, he's totally numb. Why the f*c* is he head over heels for her? He's not the type who would actually...love. Maybe just one of his flings...but this one seems too different. He actually loves her. HER, of all people! Sometimes, I would look at her pic and be like, "What's so great about her?" Do you get me? Yeah, I know, it's weird. I am weird, after all. But this is weirder. Love. Yeah, fuc**ng love! haha. What's so good about her? No, don't get me wrong. I'm not in love with him or anything (gross. eww. totally.). It's just that I don't want him to fall in love. It's like the feeling you get when a rock star suddenly falls in love and begins singing love songs with too-cheesy lyrics. You just miss the old times when he used to sing "I hate the world" songs. Haha. What's my problem, ba?! Life is too damn good to waste, right? So why waste it on love? Drink, smoke, do drugs...DON'T fall in love. What's so good about her, anyway? She's even uglier than I thought...

Humeur actuelle: confused

"Broken Sonnet
Hale

And now i concede
On the night of this fifteenth song
Of melancholy, of melancholy
And in this next line
I’ll say it all over again
That i love you, i love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight i’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

The clock on the tv says 8:39 pm
It’s the same, it’s the same
And in this next line
I’ll say it all over again
That i love you, i love you.

I don’t care what they say
I don’t care what they do
‘cause tonight i’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

I’ll leave my fears behind
‘cause tonight i’ll be right at your side.

Lie down right next to me
Lie down right next to me
And i will never let go
Will never let go.

But still i see the tears from your eyes
Maybe i’m just not the one for you."

Haha...am I in love? I dunno, really. Trip ko lang talaga yung song. The tune, really. Me kasi when I listen to a song, I concentrate more on the music. The genius of the arrangement. If it feels good in my ears, definitely IT! Sometimes, though, the lyrics overpowers the music. If the lyrics really are that deep (in contrast with this song), then it means much more than the arrangement of the notes. Haha.

Humeur actuelle: pleased
Musique actuelle: read the entry kaya!

I'm required to attend the re-orientation something on the second day of enrolment (which is actually on the 2nd day of enrollment--about 50 years from now). I was required for being late too many times. Here's my question: why do they have to give such a damn whether I'm late? Kasi naman if I come early, I would have to put up with these super STUPID subjects: music, health, p.e and arts. I mean the music teacher is practically head over heels with ogie alcasid, the health and p.e teacher delights on torturing the students when she can't think of anything to teach. The arts teacher, well, she's a lota fun but you would laugh off the whole 60 minutes (which is supposed to be dedicated on arts not comedy). Haha. Fuck em teachers! Wahaha. Why do they care so much if the student is caught drinking or smoking in school or even cutting classes? Just teach your subject for God's sake!

Humeur actuelle: irritated

Humeur actuelle: blah

The pope just died. I hope the cardinals would be guided by the holy spirit on electing the new pope...

Humeur actuelle: hopeful

The air in her dorm room smelled of beer and smoke as Maya sat by the window. The smell, though intoxicating, calmed her a bit. She mumbled a lame curse: first to Stu. She had been doing so for hours. The computer clock indicated that the it was already three ante meridian. Kaki, her very much hyper roomate, apparently decided to sleep at her boyfriend's. Maya was alone. Much to her surprise, the tune of "Sk8rboi" interrupted her deep focus for the next curse she's going to throw on Stu. She blinked; once, twice. "Oh, someone's calling me," she mumbled absent-mindedly as she clumsily searched for her phone.
"Maya, Tim here. What's with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean why are you still awake. You've been talking to yourself for hours."
"Huh?" Maya shifted her glance from the brutally-treated pair of chucks to a car parked outside. Any drunkard would see a four-eyed monster with swords in his mouth.
"Damn you."
"Yes."
"What?!"
"I said yes. Gotta go. Bye."
Maya swore. This time, to: the know-it-alls with their pseudo intelligent voices complete with, "Ah, Life certainly is playful. Human nature is depressing." (As if one didn't realize it already when one's brother grabbed that much-anticipated lollipop stick when one was five years old. But I digressed.); the overacting girl rebels living up to their reputations even though they want so much to buy that pink girly sandals they saw at the mall; to beniffer for breaking up; to ben mackenzie for being so gorgeous; to paris hilton for being so thin; the teachers who give her beautifully written essay a C; to the Proffesor in PPG for making the "perfect little girls" with sugar, spice and everything nice; and, finally, to the PPG themselves for getting her hooked to the boob tube. In short, that curse was for every kind of person existing in our planet.
She sighed and glanced at the computer clock. 4. 15. haha. Tentatively, she lied down and closed her eyes. Her first class would start at nine. She should get some sleep. Too late, though. She was wide awake now because of the horrifying face that flashed in her mind. Ah, Stu. Stu, Stu! "FUCK YOU STU!" This said, she felt as surprised as someone sleeping peacefully dreaming of freddie prinze, jr.. After regaining full consciousness (as if she lost it), she glanced around the room and felt tears streaming from a spherical organ in the human body with light-sensitive rod and cone cells in the retina, which is responsible for converting light into impulses that are transmitted to the brain for interpretation. The eye, if you're aware of it. It all came out. All the hatred that was satisfyingly barbecued by the flame in her innocent heart. Maya and Stu. Yeah, it seemed perfect together. SEEMED. Stu. She stifled a laugh. Stupid Stu. Stu--the prince. The god. The wannabe alchemist (he said so in the happier days). And yet, when he turned around, he was entirely different. He...he was the monster. The thorns in the beutiful rose. The weeds in the garden. The devil. The explosive (not exactly the bomb; you might not be aware but it's a totally different thing). He...he was a murderer. Maya smiled an involuntary smile. It was as if another person smiled that smile. Oh, she remembered, she had class...

Humeur actuelle: depressed